It’s been almost a year since my last post. A YEAR. It’s hard to believe so much time has passed, and that it’s flown by so quickly too. My last update was about my decision to go back to school, and this one is a reflection on the year since then. I started school in February, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Nervous? HELL YES. Worth it? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY.
It’s been a rather steep learning curve. Going back to school at 31 (now 32) is one thing, but immersing myself in the culture of a top art school is quite another. I mean, some of these kiddos aren’t driving daddy’s Porsche, they’re driving their own damn Porsche. At 18. I tried my best not to go in with any expectations. My coach encouraged me to apply a “beginner’s mindset”, and for the most part I did. I’ve learned so many new things, met some amazing people, and yes, made some friends too, age-gap be damned. However, it hasn’t been without some struggling on my part. The hours are insane, and the workload mirrors that of a workplace, even in first-year. But I have ZERO regrets about going back to get my second degree, and I have even fewer regrets about taking the much-needed step back from writing. Though as of January, I HAVE AN AGENT. It’s so bizarre when I think about the sequence of events that led me to that, considering I was ready to call it quits, but it’s an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. I may have been done with writing, but writing wasn’t in any way done with me.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that life can change in the blink of an eye, so you’d better make sure you’re doing what you love between the time you close your eyes and open them again. If you’re lucky, like me, that single moment is enough to provide a perspective you may not have had before. You know what else I’ve learned? You should NEVER put your life on hold for someone who’s going to end up walking away from YOU when you no longer serve a purpose. Yes. I went there. Because for 4 years, my life has been on HOLD. I put the needs of someone else above my own and boy, did THAT blow up in my face. BUT I have no regrets about that either because when I finally stood back, I realized I’m a good person. I love easily, I’m always ready to help if I can, and damnit if I have no expectations of getting anything in return. Needless to say, I learned my lesson the hard way and won’t be making that mistake again in any kind of hurry. The Universe was kind enough to remove the trash from my life before it could kick up a stink. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE. I owe you big time!
I’ll admit I don’t have much time for writing at the moment, and on one hand I’m okay with it, and on the other I’m starting to feel that all too-familiar pull towards a new story. Rather than force anything, I’m kind of going with the flow right now – what will be, will be, you know? Life happens when you’s busy making plans, and I’ve realized I quite enjoy the “life happens” part. I’ve become a more active participant in my own life, and God, if feels good to just dream again. To fantasize about what my life will look like another year from now. I have goals, too. I want a trad book deal before the end of this year and I want to write the follow-up to Under The Same Sky. I also want to start working on my design portfolio, and explore the things I’m learning right now. Life isn’t a barrel of laughs every day, I still have my ups and downs, but I’m content in a way I haven’t been in what feels like forever. I take one day at a time, and I savor the daily experiences I have.
This is me. In a nutshell.
2023 has been WILD so far, and it can only get better from here. I’ve let go of the negative juju that’s been bogging me down since June, let go of the baggage that was literally holding me back, and taken back the control of my own journey. Because life is a journey, life is a destination, and if you’re lucky, it’s an incredibly journey to more than one destination.
Until next time, lovely.
Take care of yourself. Be kind. And love yourself.
Tamsyn
