It’s currently 1:20 a.m. My eyes are bleary, my coffee is finished, and I’ve just written another chapter of another book. If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I’ve been quiet. After publishing Under the Same Sky in June last year, I hit burn out, and had a difficult time pulling myself out of that hole. I was surrounded by darkness so loud, it consumed me. But let me start at the beginning.
If you read the Author’s Note in Under The Same Sky, you know that 2018 was one of the hardest years I’ve ever had, and if you didn’t read the Author’s Note, then let me elaborate. I was in my final year of undergrad, and in the span of 7 months, I lost 3 family members very suddenly. I pushed my grief aside because I had to make it to graduation, and get into the Honors program of my degree. If I thought 2018 was difficult, 2019 was ready to prove me wrong, and boy, did it ever. A month before graduation, my dad had a heart attack, and two weeks after graduation my grandmother passed away. That was 4 members of my family gone in less than a year, and 5 traumatic events. I’d started Honors classes in-between, but after my grandmother passed away, and I finished writing Under The Same Sky, everything I’d put off, shoved aside, came barreling toward me at the speed of a freight train. I lost my passion for my work, put a hold on my post-graduate studies and decided it was time to face the darkness. I got the help I needed, and in the process lost myself. But that served a purpose, because I had to lose myself in order to find myself again. And I did.
Now, 7 months of hard work later, I’m the best version of myself I have ever been. I didn’t do it alone, but in many ways I did, purely because the work I had to do was on the inside. I had to strip myself bare to the bone, and rebuild. I had to heal in ways I’d never contemplated before, and while the journey will always be ongoing, it’s been the most rewarding journey I’ve ever undertaken. I’ve shed the skin of the old me in order to keep growing the new me, and that included finding the courage to speak my truth, and tell my story. The girl who used to be too afraid to write because she was worried about what other people would think no longer exists. The girl who compared herself to the people around her, and what their journeys looked like, has left the building. I don’t miss her, but I recognize that I have wisdom and experience from a time in my life that was merely a chapter, and not the end of the book. For the lessons I learned, I am grateful. For the people who left my life to make room for the people I needed, I am grateful.
So what’s next? I started my post-graduate studies again this year, and it feels so right, so good, so empowering that I now understand why I couldn’t do it last year. I wasn’t who I needed to be in order to succeed. I’m also working on my next book, the title of which will be revealed soon, and in-between, I’m busy with things, and people, that add value to my life, and make me happy. Every day is a new adventure, and every day life is beautiful.
Keep an eye out for the title reveal of my next book, in case you missed it a few weeks ago.
And to those of you who have been patiently waiting for me to come back, to write my next book, thank you.
I found my fire. I found my voice. And I found the courage to use both.
Lots of Love,